Friday, December 12, 2008

Bleach or HRT?

Either, I'm turning blond or it's a sign of early onset menopause.

But just lately ,I've manifested some very strange phobias and done some very odd things.

My friends tell me I've always been odd, only now I'm noticing it, so it must be bad.

Last night I needed to turn the water temperature up on the boiler. It took me about an hour to go near it and then I couldn't remember which position it had been, to know which way it needed to be turned.

I don't change light bulbs until we virtually can't recognise each other when we're actually sat together. All because I hate heights, yet I would go up in a hot air balloon with any loony.

I've never worked out how to remove my petrol cap, without almost breaking the key off at the same time.
I feel stressed every time I buy petrol.

I have no idea how to check the water and oil in my car and consequently have had some interesting experiences with roadside rescue. The most memorable being,.
when I ran over the mechanics foot.

I find it impossible to set a digital clock. I don't trust them. Bring back the good old fashioned wind up.

Last month I threw the tumble dryer out of the laundry room window, trying to lift it onto the washing machine. Don't ask.

But my greatest faux pas has to be taking my girls camping, with a tent I didn't know how to erect and no wet weather gear what so ever. Yes you got it, it rained and blew a gale constantly.
We had the time of our lives.

Hallelujah for menopause

PS: I would have told you that I have a bad memory too, but I forgot.


Dawn said...

Aaaah, the day of the hot air balloon Ruth – how hilarious was that! I’ve never seen anybody scale a fence before the way you so delicately did… Unlike me, drawing upon my days in the Territorial Army, driven by the words ‘come on you little shit, get your bloody arse into gear and scale the sodding wall, the enemy is behind you.’

I do believe I was a little more polite with you when I suggested that if we didn’t leap the wire wall, then we would not be floating the skies. I also believe I am right in stating this is a sight I am sadly never going to see again – or be beholden to!

Even more hilarious however was the landing – and boy what fabulous landing gear you have darling! In case you’re wondering, whilst it may have looked as though I strategically placed myself on top of your gorgeous body to soften the blow, it was mere aerodynamics and nothing to do with the selfish gene.

Re turning blonde – extremely unlikely

Re menopausal issues – nah – just growing old wildly! For example, chucking the tumble dryer out the window was a sheer moment of madness as well you know it!!

Changing bulbs – sight issue. For me personally (and I can say this being of similar age) I am slowly losing my patience with not being able to see the small print on the remote controls. By the way, this is swiftly followed by the will to live! So infuriating when you have to ask the kids to press the right button because the TV, digi box, DVD player and PS3 have taken on a life on of their own. Pressing the wrong button results in matrimonial cacophony followed by a loud chorus of ‘oh mum.’ Bloody annoying.

Now, reference taking the girls away on the wild week-end – Bi-Polar springs to mind?!!!

X x x

Dawn said...

PS you forgot the day you ram raided Morrison's car park chain!!